The Fourth Year Fidgets
by Princess-Amon-Rae
Summary: Ray Kowalski has been anticipatedly watching the days tick further downwards towards the fourth anniversary of his official emigration to Canada. Benton Fraser has been anxiously watching the days tick further downwards towards the fourth anniversary of Ray's official emigration to Canada. He wishes he had a good logical reason for his anxiety, but he doesn't. Fraser/RayK.


Ray Kowalski has been anticipatedly watching the days tick further downwards towards the fourth anniversary of his official emigration to Canada. It's a matter of pride (and money) that this anniversary above all else is celebrated more than all the ones that preceded.

Pride because everyone had not so subtly made comments about how if Benton Fraser couldn't hack it in Chicago for longer than four years, how was Ray Kowalski going to hack it in the middle of nowhere for that long?

Never mind that they didn't know the way that Fraser had clutched him and whispered '_Stay'_ in his ear like a prayer when they had been nearing the end of their search for Franklin. How Fraser had followed up his prayer with '_Or ask me to come back_.'

Except Ray couldn't do that last thing for two reasons; firstly, Fraser loved it in the Territories, properly lived in the Territories in a way that Ray was pretty sure would kill him if he had to give up again. Screw the fact that Ray had first fallen in love with him in Chicago, seeing Fraser here and loving Fraser here meant that Ray loved him too much to ask him to leave it again.

Secondly, because Ray fell in love with the Territories, with the beautiful majesty of everything. The crisp clean air, even if it did suck when it hurt your lungs. The way the Northern Lights danced, the animals, the plants.

So, pride because Ray had to prove a point about how even if that second factor hadn't existed, Benton Fraser was worth staying for.

(Money solely because Ray Vecchio had made him a pretty sizable bet when he'd absconded off to Florida with Stella and Ray Kowalski intended on collecting. Although this reason too was mostly pride.)

XXXX

Benton Fraser has been anxiously watching the days tick further downwards towards the fourth anniversary of Ray's official emigration to Canada. He wishes he had a good logical reason for his anxiety, but he doesn't. All he had is an insistent voice in the back of his head, playing on all his insecurities that he thought he had banished when Ray hadn't left after the original six month wait for his permanent residency.

Banished had apparently been too strong a word, or so Benton discovered when Ray had casually mentioned the approaching anniversary one day and the voice had come creeping back.

_Are you Really worth staying here for?_

He had barely made it four years living in Chicago, so full of homesickness and culture shock, neither of which had seemed to have an end in sight, and he had been selfish enough to think that Ray wouldn't experience the same thing.

_Stay_ he had begged to Ray, because the change in their relationship had meant that giving Ray up wasn't an option. _Or ask me to come back_. Doesn't matter how much his skin itched constantly and how closed in he felt when he was in Chicago, if he got to keep loving Ray it would be worth it.

And unfathomably, Ray had stayed. Ray had stayed in Canada without much more discussion and Fraser had been too happy and grateful to question it. Ray had stayed and Fraser had fallen even further in love with him and if giving him up and been impossible before then it was doubly so now.

XXXXX

The actual day dawns with little comment beyond the usual special kiss the morning of, and the spectacular sex that night. (The sex is always spectacular, Ray insists, sometimes it's just extra spectacular). So, Fraser takes a metaphorical deep breath and shoves all those anxieties that resurged into a box to be hopefully forgotten about.

Except he gets home from work the next day to find the house inexplicably empty and his heart stutters to a stop as he tells himself not to panic. It's just that he can think of no conceivable reason off the top of his head for Ray to go to town today, and he never just goes wandering without Fraser. Fraser manages to have the good sense to look for the other skidoo before he panics fully, stopping himself from thinking that Ray has wandered off and fallen down a crevasse somewhere.

Now that he's hurdled that Fraser collapses on the couch and tries to convince himself that Ray wouldn't just go without a single word. Ray would have told him that he couldn't take it anymore, they would have talked about it. He sits on the couch, wrestling with his thoughts for a good long while. (Dief sits at his feet and makes his opinion known about the fact that he thinks Fraser is an idiot). Fraser sits until Ray throws the door open with a crow of delight.

"Fraser, I know we just had a special dinner, so I splurged out on the fancy ice cream," Ray says apropos to nothing and Fraser lurches to his feet even though relief is making his knees weak.

"Ray," Fraser breathes in relief five seconds before he wraps Ray up in his arms tightly. Ray startles but manages not to fumble all the things he's holding as he hugs him back.

"Shit Fraser didn't you see my note? I'm sure I left one," Ray says looking over towards the fridge once Fraser releases him. "Went to town to make sure that the bank got the money that Vecchio owed me for officially making it four years."

"Ah," Fraser says, feeling foolish for letting his insecurities get away from him. But unfortunately, Ray is a great detective and knows Fraser better than the back of his hand, so he looks at him carefully before realization dawns in his eyes.

"Fraser!" Ray cries, sounding vaguely scandalized and drops his bags to the floor. "Benton Fraser what the fuck?"

"Four years Ray. Plus, six months depending on when you count from. Much longer than I ever made it in Chicago and Ray no matter how much I love you and know how much you love me if I—" Fraser sucks in a deep breath to recentre himself. "I have never stopped believing that you can hack it. Just sometimes I stop believing that I am worth it."

"Ben. If I asked you to go back to Chicago with me- "

"I would go," Fraser said without an ounce of hesitation.

"Even though Chicago made you feel closed in and itchy, and seeing you be up here made me realize that you hadn't been properly living?"

"Yes. You're worth it Ray." There isn't an ounce of wavering or hesitation in Fraser's voice and Ray's eyes soften as he reaches up to cup Fraser's face.

"And you are worth it to me. Even if I didn't love it up here myself; You would be worth it to me Benton Fraser." Fraser reaches up and wraps his hands around Ray's wrists as he smiles, not to move them, but simply to increase the points of contact between them.

"Logically I knew that, but anxieties are hard to shake." Ray ducks in and kisses him comfortingly before pulling away and muttering under his breath.

"There are some days where I wish I could just fucking sock your dad right on his ass. He might have come and gone but I sure fucking won't," Ray says, mostly to himself, as he ducks down to scoop up the bags. Fraser grins widely.

"What exactly did you splurge on?" Fraser asks and nods towards the bags. Ray's grin turns a little wicked.

"You'll see as soon as you get out of your work clothes," Ray says with a sideways glance that Fraser knows very well, and he spares Ray another kiss before speeding towards the bedroom.

(Dief offers Fraser the friendly reminder that he still thinks Fraser is an idiot as he passes.)

XXXXX

"Damn," Ray pants later into Fraser's shoulder. "Maybe I should make you think I've left you more often."

"You would never be so cruel Ray," Fraser says as he skates a knuckle up the curve of Ray's spine.

"Yeah you're right. No more thinking I've left. Never gonna happen."

"I rest assured of that," Fraser whispers.

The voice never rears its head again, and the box where it was kept is never used again.

**XXXX**

**Why yes as a matter of fact I did just write a Due South fanfic in the Year of our Lord 2020. Is this fandom dead? Most likely. Do I care? No.**

**Thanks for the read and support guys!**


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